is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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