i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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