Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize