somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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