Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
