just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
