I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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