and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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