I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
