i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
