its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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