Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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