Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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