Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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