Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
