..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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