there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize