So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
