we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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