his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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