he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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