why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
