So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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