What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize