I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
