so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
