I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
