do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
