I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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