He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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