So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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