Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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