I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
