So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
