I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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