my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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