No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize