But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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