A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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