Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
