I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
