He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize