this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
