I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
