dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
