just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
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