she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
