I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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