Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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