She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You were trust falling into bushes
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
