everyone is single if you try hard enough
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
