i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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