i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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