I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
