Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
