I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
