I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
