I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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