He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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