come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you would pick up someone in the library
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
