I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
