It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
