dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
