she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
