need another drink. this is the easiest way
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize