Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
