You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
tell me about the fingering
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
