If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
