The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
