After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
