I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
