Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize