If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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