You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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