I just cut my nipple shaving
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
