I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
