I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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