your parents love me but you hate me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
