She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
