The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The air was thick with penises
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
