I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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