Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
