but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
