Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
