That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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