She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
