you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
