Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize