Having a random hookup so left but love u
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
