he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
