there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
