What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I touched a dick in church today
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
