when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
