You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
