dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You pole danced in your parka.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
