My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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