He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
