if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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