Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
