butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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