9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
