How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
