She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
