I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
