He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize