I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize