Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
