You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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