i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
