and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
