god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
