Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
