I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
