Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
