So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
